ummmmmmmmm . . . [29 Sep 2003|04:23pm] [ mood | creative ] (Children's Puppet Theatre. Paris 1963. Alfred Eisenstadt) Oh to be a child again . . .those were the days! I have no title for this entry . . .but what I do have to say is that for some reason things feel better . . .when people refer to my depression as "throwing a pitty party for myself" . . .well that just straight pisses me off and clears my head. I had a bit of a rough weekend. I put a pretty deep gouge in my arm in which it may be wise to get a stitch or two but I'm just going to keep it wrapped for the time being. I also got the side mirror ripped off the drivers side of my car . . .and for those who know me know how protective I am of my car . . .but for soe reason I'm not that pissed about it. i was also threatened several times by the same psycho. And I really think he is a psycho . . .even if he's not he definately needs help . . .not saying I don't . . .but at least my problems aren't taken out towards other people!!! I was up until 5am finishing a mask for one of my art classes. I like the way it turned out but then I compared mine to others and wasn't so happy . . .but then again my art teacher told m it was the most creative idea that she had seen in any of the classes . . .and that made me feel MUCH better . . .I'M SO HUNGRY! Does it ever stop? my metabolism needs to slow WAY down so then I don't have to eat all the time. . . it's annoying always being hungry cause I can't eat non-stop . . .I have other things to do stomach! Oh and P.S. to the world . . .I'm gunna work on not being a hypocrite! 4 comments|post comment

FUCK! [26 Sep 2003|06:06pm] [ mood | infuriated ] mmmmmmmm . . .the taste of a barrel in my mouth . . .the ultimate last super . . Shoot me in the face, i'm sick of my life, kill me know, its not worth it anymore. 8 comments|post comment

life . . . ? [23 Sep 2003|05:08pm] [ mood | hungry ] I'm hungry . . .should I eat this . . .maybe not so much! my life streams along as usually . . .nothing too interesting . . .nothing too difficult . . .and yet I complain . . .sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be starving in Etheopia . . . I'm starving here . . .but that is another story. Random thought! I might study abroad next year . . .that is new and interesting . . .time for food and class . . .I'll continue later . . . post comment

sometimes things just suck . . .and that's the end of it [15 Sep 2003|07:02pm] [ mood | lonely ] Alone: The landscape of my heart. If I really really wanted to I could go around and have sex with a random chick every night . . .and i choose not to . . .for obvious reasons. First because thats gross, second because thats low, third because its degrading and can be almost a mean thing to do, and always heartless . . .and the list goes on. However, because I choose not to be a big whore my heart is occasionally drawn to certain individuals. Okay thats fine and dandy . . .everyone has hat happen, but why is it that whenever I'm really attracted to someone they're either taken, or totally not interested. I think its because my role in life is to be teased by mother nature and to remain alone for my walk of a pathetic life on this earth. it's pathetic that the majority of my problems revolve around my heart and not more important things like the research project that is my grade for a calss that i have yet to even start or think about. So this is my current state. Taunted, teased, and otherwise an unhappy little person. . .and it never ends . . . my life = an abyss of emptiness . . . . . . . . . . . 1 comment|post comment

REGRET [10 Sep 2003|11:57am] [ mood | numb ] Hangovers suck . . .back to the state of the past few days . . .someone shoot me in the face! So I got real real drunk last night and missed my lecture today . . .I'm such a shit and really regret it . . .not to mention that I walked from my building down to valley 2 and then back . . .WOW that was a struggle. I think that it's safe to say that I am the worst drunk EVER! the hangover is now starting to kick in even though i'm still a bit drunk and its almost noon! Unfortunately the thing that bothers me the most in all of this is that I went against what Haley told me . . .and the guilt is mounting higher and higher. I love the girl so much it makes me sick, and I'm sick of loving her . . .but I simpley can't stop . . .God help me post comment

ANGER [07 Sep 2003|10:22pm] [ mood | frustrated ] SO FRUSTRATED!!! Someone please just SHOOT me in the face! 1 comment|post comment

been a while [07 Sep 2003|10:39am] [ mood | blank ] Yellowcard - intorduced to me by my good friend Lori . . .check 'em out! It's been quite some time since i've dropped a note here in the old journal . . .i kinda miss it . . .but thats alright cause i'm back! School is good thus far, I havn't really even had any classes but they seem like they're going to go well -- it's going to be alot of work but i think they'll go well. The roomates are all pretty cool, fortunately i've been getting along well with all of them thus far. I almost kicked one in the face one night, i was so pissed at him but i was just being tempermental me . . .then the other night tyler and I were wrestling and i DID kick him in the face, HAHAHA, we have fun though. Minimal trouble since i've been here at school, I've only gotten into one real fight that lasted about 30 seconds . . .feel kinda bad about it now though. And as for the Haley situation . . .wow, don't know if i even wanna get into that one. I f i dove into that story I'd probably go over my max for characters in this here journal. Hungry as hell right now . . . gatta eat gatta eat . . .BYE! 2 comments|post comment

BACK! [22 Aug 2003|11:40pm] I'm up and runnin again at WMU! 353 Smith-Burnham! Gimme a holla whenever you want to! GO BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post comment

I'm Back!!! [20 May 2003|12:29am] [ mood | flirty ] SEE IT! .. 'nuff said ... I finally got my computer back on the internet. It's been so LONG! and home is SO boring! The job I was promised was stolen from under my feet so the most productive thing i've been doing is hunting for a job. I'm currently working on a 44ft yacht that pays well but there aren't very many hours, hence i need to find more work! My B-day was on saturday and it was the single best EVER!! I had SO SO SO much fun with Jason, Laura, Rachelle, and Christy. Other than this nothing very exciting has happened. I'll now be back making entries periodically, so feel free to check in and see what i've been up to. I have to get up early tomarrow, so it's off to bed for me ... night night world. . . . post comment

so long, farewell, alvedizane, good bye ... [25 Apr 2003|09:56am] [ mood | anxious ] I'm officially truckin out of WMU ... today we pack up my crap and head home for the summer ... wow is it gunna blow ... this also means that the journal entries may becom few and far between ... and considering that I'm already way behind in packing things up ... and my mom is gunna whoop my ass when she gets here i'd better get going ... by for now WMU ... I'll miss you ...caio ... post comment

ALMOST DONE! [23 Apr 2003|09:26am] [ mood | cheerful ] Guess what her and I have in common ... GOOD MORNING WORLD! It's sunny out today! That makes me very happy! This week so far has been a pretty good one I must say. It really sux that the first time I'm actually enjoying college and it's first year is going to be over so very quickly. Some people are already gone, more will be leaving today and by friday this place will be deserted ... how sad ... might as well enjoy what time I have left, and on that note I'm off ............ post comment

NO WAY! [21 Apr 2003|11:55am] [ mood | chipper ] LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!!! Finals this week and then I'm off for the summer ... but i'm sad ... I will miss all of my new friends ... POO! My Easter was GREAT! I didn't spend it at home with my family, but that's okay because I spent it here with my WMU family ... and had SO much fun. We went out to eat twice ... ate ASS LOADS of food ... had LOTS of laughs ... and dyed my hair!!! I can't get over how unfortunate it is that I met so many great people so late in the year. I never sleep anymore because I don't wanna miss out on fun with them ... and every moment that I'm with them is fun! Jason, Emily, Laura ... I love you guys. Ya'll seriously make my life what it should be, ya make me happy ... and that is something that is not easily accomplished with me ... very rarely accomplished. I HAVE AWSOME FRIENDS!! As for now i must go about my chores for the day there is much to do ... caio! 4 comments|post comment

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JILL! [17 Apr 2003|04:39am] [ mood | giddy ] I told Jill that i would wish her a happy b-day in my journal, and didn't get a chance until now ... i'm such a schmuck!! oh well i'm sure she'll forgive me ... i'm over it! It's 4:30 ... I'm so tired, and can't go to sleep yet, I think i might be turning into an insomniac ... what if I die! OH NO! "After all, what would the world be like ... without Captain Hook!?" okay so i'm no Captain Hook ... but what's the world be like without me!? GROSS!!! as you can see i'm SO wired, and she probably try to sleep right now! even though i'm also SO hungry ... PISS!! I'm over it ... Night Ya'll 1 comment|post comment

Whateva - I do what I want! [15 Apr 2003|01:48pm] [ mood | devious ] Wicked air ... 'nuff said ... we're gunna paaaarty like it's yo 92nd birfday .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... running on 2 hours of sleep! WOOHOO!!!! It's such a beautiful day out ... why can't I live somewhere with real waves instead of Lake Michigan wannabees... BLAH!! My frustration leads me to plotting ... plotting leads to devilish schemes ... mwahahaha ... malevolant splendor!! Blondes make me cry because I feel bad for how slow they are ... Brunettes tease me because I love them so ... and Red-heads ... hehehe ... i need to go do something constructive before i go destructo mode and start burning things ... bye Y'all! post comment

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK ... [14 Apr 2003|12:08pm] [ mood | blank ] well, i'm back from South Carolina! What a trip! It RAINED every single day! Not to mention that I'm a psycho! but that's a whole other story. WHEW! it seems somewhat good to be back, and then again not so good also ... but what can I do ... I'm over it ... gatta start the week right with some exercise ... so I'm outta here ......... 3 comments|post comment

*yawn* [02 Apr 2003|01:16am] [ mood | tired ] [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img src"http://images.google.com/images?q>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <img src"http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:OShQezdzJPUC:www.meandsis.com/images/sleepy.jpg"> Sleep is something that I lack. Sort of like the ability to snack. For food is a staple item that I lack. Perhaps I should invest in a bit of smack. Then I could have a bag boy pack ... a bag or two of goodness for me to snack. For if I had a sack ... from which I could snack ... one may be able to refer to me as "Happy Ass Jack." Yet they would be running the risk of recieving a whack ... from the back ... yet I have naught the energy to do so, for it is sleep that I lack ... 1 comment|post comment

fuck [31 Mar 2003|11:26pm] [ mood | depressed ] This is my poem of the night: Fuck me Fuck you Fuck life Fuck everything ... I want to fucking fade away ... post comment

[27 Mar 2003|12:05am] [ mood | relieved ] good, and interesting tunes ... check it out ... Done with homework ... finally ... what a pain in the arse!! So sleepy now. Just a little bt of hassle left this week! SO close to being done, it's going to be such a relief when I am ... very excited for that ... and I am very sleepy now ... I must get my rest and prepare for my 8am class. And guess what!?!?!? No traumatic emotional extravaganzas tonight!! I barely cried only once! How grand!! goodnight ....... post comment

[26 Mar 2003|10:12am] [ mood | awake ] Righteous wave! Flea of Santa Cruz pulled two frontside 180's earning him 2nd place at the Coldwater Classic WSQ 1, with a broken FINGER!!! It's 9:55 and I am SO awake! I knida wanna sleep, but it's sunny out and I just can't. It's gunna be a fairly busy day. Mostly at my computer writting shit, and me procrastinating. But here we go again! post comment

I'm Back! [25 Mar 2003|12:23pm] [ mood | cheerful ] Check out Quicksilver bad-ass Kelly Slater!!! WOAH! Long and stressful weekend, but I'm back at school now, and things are rollin. Nothin is slowin down for me ... and I'm okay with that! The "days of school left" counter is down to 14! Yes, that's right 14! I have this week, next week, then I'm off to Myrtle Beach South Carolina for a week, then I got back to school for the last week, followed by Finals!!!!!!!!! So close I can smell it!! It doesn't smell all that great ... but at least it's in range! ( did I mention that I love Haley with all my heart still?) The weather here in michigan is starting to make me smile more. The sun is GOOD! Unfortunately it's suppose to drop back dow to the 30's with a chance of snow this weekend, but it's all good because that will fade away also. HOWEVER, I still really really wish I was in California or Florida surfin the coast. Oh how I long for the beaches, the sun, the tide, and the ride! I'll make it a point to get down/out there soon enough ... post comment

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